As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
