If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
