Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
