She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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