I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
