I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
