capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
