i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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