i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
