Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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