I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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