Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cut my nipple shaving
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Less talking, more tequila
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
