I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
