I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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