I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This baby is an asshole
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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