end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
