Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
