Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
