Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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