you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
