Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
