Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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