I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
