tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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