Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
