windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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