she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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