Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
