You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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