My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
