Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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