2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
