What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
