My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize