My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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