After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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