So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
