Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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