Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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