happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
