I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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