so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
