I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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