I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
