Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Come on in and take your pants off
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