I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
