i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
