she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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