I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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