Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
