Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
