You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
