Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize