I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
