eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
