I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
