if you like me you must not know who I am
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
