I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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