So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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