some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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