Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
