i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
