Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
