Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
FUCK WHALES
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
